Feb 26, 2026
Does anyone else read a notification from a cherished friend and think to themselves, oh I definitely want to give a thoughtful reply, I’ll look at this later so I can give it my full time and attention, and then leave it for a bit too long…and then feel like the reply has to be so marvellous and meaningful that you procrastinate replying even more…and then life gets in the way and you sort of forget… and then one day you think of that person and go to text them and realize you’ve been unconsciously ignoring their message for several days, weeks…months? Or is it just me?
Today we’re more connected than ever, through our computers, phones, texts, emails, and of course, social media. Although it’s so easy to get in tough with one another, it sometimes feels more difficult. Like ,there’s more nuance. Everything can be analyzed: the emojis, the phrasing, the amount of time it takes you to reply…It can leave some friendships that are sustained mostly by online interactions, due to long distance or what have you, feeling tricky, forced, or forgotten. Almost like guilt or unwantedness seep sthrough the phone when you feel it vibrate with a new notification.
There’s been lots of chatter online about how everyone wants to have a village, but no one wants to be a villager — stay with me. While I agree with that to an extent, I also think our hyper-connectivity plays a role in the anti-villager energy. It reminds me of a YouTube video I watched from Eddy Burback, who gave up his phone after binge-watching Sex and the City. He noticed that Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte had just made plans and then… actually showed up. No “are we still on?” Texts and no last-minute cancellations enabled by convenience.
And I started to wonder, has being too reachable quietly eroded the very village we say we want?
Modern technology supposedly removed friction from communication, but friction isn’t always a bad thing! Being able to contact literally anyone at any hour has created expectations of immediacy, of being always on. It’s created response-time anxiety and subtle score keeping (she left me on read, so I’m not double texting). As a Gen Z-er, this feels especially personal. We grew up with “active” statuses, read receipts, and typing bubbles. Silence feels intentional, especially when someone’s status says “available”.
The accessibility that was meant to connect us (allegedly) sometimes feels more like an obligation.
In university, most friendships are built on proximity. Same classes, similar schedules, same houses, same bars. You see each other constantly without trying. Maintenance is automatic. You don’t schedule connection, it just happens! After graduation, that proximity often disappears. People move cities and you no longer share physical space or daily rhythms. You have completely separate lives from the friend you once shared couches and ex-boyfriends with.
The problem isn’t that the friendship changed, it’s that the expectations didn’t. Because we can message anytime, we assume we should. Instead of adjusting to a slower, more intentional version of friendship, many of us try to digitally recreate the constant closeness we once had, and that’s where the pressure creeps in.
The apps certainly do not help. Snapchat streaks, top friends lists, they gamify connection. Conversations never really end. There’s always something waiting for a response. And, when you don’t reply instantly, it can feel like you’ve failed a small social test. We’ve started mistaking responsiveness for closeness, as if quick replies equal deeper care.
I had a pen pal when I was younger, and it was honestly magical. I loved having something to look forward to in the mail! Letters take time. You fill someone in on what actually matters to you in that instant. You can tuck in stickers from a recent trip or photos that they can pin to their fridge. And maybe most importantly, there was no panic in the delay. Waiting was part of it, and that was sort of the fun part. Slowness was assumed.
Does anyone else kind of miss when friendship didn’t hinge on constant digital interaction and notification timing? I truly believe we don’t need to talk every day to mean something to each other. Maybe less streaks and more letters.
So I’m bringing pen pals back lol. If you’re one of my friends, old or new, and this resonates with you, please send me your address asap. Otherwise, maybe this is just your sign to write a letter to someone you care about and start your own little pen pal era.
We were never meant to be this reachable. I don’t think.
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